I Wish I Was A Rich Kid Right Now.

An array of awesome shit that as adults we're too old to buy, and as kids we were too poor to ask for Christmas.
WWF Attitude Era Replica Title Belt - RRP $599 When I was young, I wanted to be a wrestler.  If we’re being honest, I still want to be one now.  A friend of mine had one of the foam and plastic title belts and he’d never let me play with it because he was too busy pretending to be Bret Hart. He also had the wraparound sunglasses.  He paid for those as well, although he would tell people that Bret gave them to him at Summerslam 92, the big monkey liar. If I had this belt I would wear it everyday like a real belt.  Sure, it would take some getting used to when sitting, or walking, or doing anything - but think of the looks you’d get from jealous guys who aren’t man enough to admit they like wrestling in public.

WWF Attitude Era Replica Title Belt - RRP $599

When I was young, I wanted to be a wrestler.  If we’re being honest, I still want to be one now.  A friend of mine had one of the foam and plastic title belts and he’d never let me play with it because he was too busy pretending to be Bret Hart.

He also had the wraparound sunglasses.  He paid for those as well, although he would tell people that Bret gave them to him at Summerslam 92, the big monkey liar.

If I had this belt I would wear it everyday like a real belt.  Sure, it would take some getting used to when sitting, or walking, or doing anything - but think of the looks you’d get from jealous guys who aren’t man enough to admit they like wrestling in public.

Porsche Aluminium Sledge - RRP £326 When I was a kid I had a blue plastic sledge that was badass because it had brakes on it.  One on each side you you could do wicked powerslides.  How I mocked those children who had basic plastic sledges, or even those who just had baking sheets or bin liners. This sledge is the most expensive mass-produced one on sale.  And I would buy it in a second, despite only seeing snow once a year, it having no brakes and me being 33. Christ, imagine being a kid and owning this sledge?  All the poontang you’d get from flashing the Porsche badge.  Sweet.

Porsche Aluminium Sledge - RRP £326

When I was a kid I had a blue plastic sledge that was badass because it had brakes on it.  One on each side you you could do wicked powerslides.  How I mocked those children who had basic plastic sledges, or even those who just had baking sheets or bin liners.

This sledge is the most expensive mass-produced one on sale.  And I would buy it in a second, despite only seeing snow once a year, it having no brakes and me being 33.

Christ, imagine being a kid and owning this sledge?  All the poontang you’d get from flashing the Porsche badge.  Sweet.

Solid Gold, Diamond Encrusted Gameboy - $25,000 Ah, Tetris.  That’s all anyone played, right?  I mean, yay for portable gaming and everything but I can’t remember playing anything else half decent on the original gameboy.  I excitedly bought the WWF game and it was less entertaining than the wrestling me and my friends did at the time, which was in no way homoerotic and I haven’t ever spoken to a counsellor about. A mere quarter of a million dollars will render a regular gameboy even uglier with gold and diamonds on it.  I like the idea of pulling it out on the tube and dazzling people with the bling until they go proper blind. NOW I HAVE THE TETRIS MUSIC IN MY BRAIN. 

Solid Gold, Diamond Encrusted Gameboy - $25,000

Ah, Tetris.  That’s all anyone played, right?  I mean, yay for portable gaming and everything but I can’t remember playing anything else half decent on the original gameboy.  I excitedly bought the WWF game and it was less entertaining than the wrestling me and my friends did at the time, which was in no way homoerotic and I haven’t ever spoken to a counsellor about.

A mere quarter of a million dollars will render a regular gameboy even uglier with gold and diamonds on it.  I like the idea of pulling it out on the tube and dazzling people with the bling until they go proper blind.

NOW I HAVE THE TETRIS MUSIC IN MY BRAIN. 

$66,000 For The Ultimate Transformers Collection

Over 800 Robots

I’d pay it if I had it.  Totally.  I’d probably pay double.

Anyone feel like paying me a similar amount for my collection?  Includes a scuffed Soundwave, Optimus Prime missing a wheel and a Jetfire that my sister was sick on as we travelled to the Isle of Wight on holiday.  It’s still sticky and smells of butterkist toffee popcorn.

I’ll even throw in a load of Mask toys.

Ultimate Lego Death Star - RRP $280 I’d pay that just to get the legion of minifigures. I bought a lot of Lego Star Wars when I was in my late teens (shut up) and would always get annoyed at not having enough little mini characters to act out scenes with (again, shut up). I know it’s probably meant to take about a week to build but I’d have that baby ready in a day and then hang it really suggestively in my window so the Ewoks next door could see it.  They have to learn.

Ultimate Lego Death Star - RRP $280

I’d pay that just to get the legion of minifigures. I bought a lot of Lego Star Wars when I was in my late teens (shut up) and would always get annoyed at not having enough little mini characters to act out scenes with (again, shut up).

I know it’s probably meant to take about a week to build but I’d have that baby ready in a day and then hang it really suggestively in my window so the Ewoks next door could see it.  They have to learn.